THE HARD TRUTH 😤💥⛓
“Sometimes suffering is just suffering. It doesn’t make you stronger,
It doesn’t build character. It only hurts.”
I have had people debate this with me.
I remember in the beginning people telling me that everything I am going through is for a bigger reason and in the end, I will be stronger for it. Trying to convince me that all my suffering can be used for the better, and that one day maybe I will help someone. I have even had people try and tell me that I could learn from this experience. I’m like what experience? This is my life now. It’s not temporary. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that you can use your experiences and take a negative and turn it into a positive.
BUT IF YOU WANT ME TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, I COULD HAVE WENT WITHOUT THIS CHAPTER.
Living with invisible illness means MOST people are not going to think you are truly disabled or have a real physical disability. The hardest part is having to explain yourself to your family and friends. I have lost many friends and relationships to invisible illness and that was extremely hard to accept in the beginning. People don’t want to be around someone who is constantly limited in what they can do. Just because I feel ok today, doesn’t mean I am going to be ok tomorrow. I have come to terms that I don’t expect people in life to understand or be patient.
I have learned that those that WANT TO LEARN AND UNDERSTAND are the people that matter.
I have also learned that those that WANT TO LEARN AND UNDERSTAND are NOT always your friends and family.
This was very hard for me to cope with in the beginning. I realized that many of my friends and family and those I surrounded myself with may have had sympathy for what I was going through but really, they just did not have the compacity to understand and fully grasp my medical conditions. It’s not hard for me to blame them considering how long I was in diagnosis limbo, how complex my conditions are, and how there are still so many unanswered questions about my health. There are many people out there living with chronic illness/disabilities that are able to hold a job, have hobbies and live life as normally as possible. However, that is not the case for some of us.
I have had to ADJUST my life IMMENSILY in order to just get through the day. I have been unable to continue my career an have many failed attempts and have had to focus entirely on my health and pain levels as my full-time job. When you have a chronic illness being and advocate for yourself becomes a 24/7 job and for some of us with extreme symptoms being able to care for ourselves and get through the day is all we can do. In the beginning of my battle, I was scrambling and out of control by myself trying to juggle fear, extreme pain, ear damage, countless hospitalizations, countless misdiagnosis, procedure after procedure, and loss in so many ways.
ITS WAS THE HARDEST THING I EVER HAD TO DO.
