Accepting Limitations and Finding New Goals 🙇‍♀️

The truth is, I haven’t fully accepted my limitations. I know what they are, however; I still choose to ignore them and pretend they don’t exist at times.

 I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to continue with my career and failed.

Making the decision to let go of my career is devastating for me. I am still fighting against it and haven’t fully accepted it.

Before my symptoms become truly disabling, I was living an active life, running 10 miles a week and looking forward to accomplishing so many specific goals.

I was able to wake up at 5am, go for a run, then work a 10-hour shift and do it all over again no problem. Don’t get me wrong my symptoms were there, but they were less severe.

When I got diagnosed with Vestibular Neuritis, I wasn’t surprised to be honest. I had been misdiagnosed for years with Meniere’s Disease and always questioned it. One of the only differences to tell the diagnosis’s apart is progressive hearing loss. I am thankful that I DO NOT have hearing loss, however I do have some devastating damage to my vestibular nerve that causes some unpleasant 24/7 symptoms. Learning to manage and deal with these symptoms Is a slow never-ending journey. The symptom that gives me the biggest grief is my constant hyperacusis and tinnitus in my left ear. I have lived with tinnitus for 8 years now; however, it was low pitched and random in short lengths.

Today I live with a LOUD HIGH PITCHED NEVER ENDING EVEN WHEN YOU SLEEP ringing. Doctors don’t know what caused the vestibular disorder to progress or even to begin in the first place. Accepting that I have limitations now and have to let go of some of my dreams is devastating. Day by day, I am learning to let go of some old goals and form new ones that are realistic to my lifestyle now. Sometimes those goals are just daily goals like getting to physical therapy or taking a walk.

Sometimes that is all my body will allow me to do. AND I HAVE TO BE OK WITH THAT.

My limitations are real, and they are important for me to follow and recognize.